He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
