nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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