Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
