I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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