i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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