bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
