Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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