he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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