I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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