Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
