Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
