I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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