I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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