my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
