so explain again why im purple
no
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
