It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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