I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
