I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
