you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
