I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
