piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
