After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
