My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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