Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
