I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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