I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
