Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
