Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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