Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
