you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
