Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
