Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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