Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
