I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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