I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
