I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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