I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They took my balls.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
