the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
