dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
