Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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