you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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