So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
