i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
