No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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