I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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