the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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