Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
