worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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