My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
