Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
